喚醒心中的巨人
 

訪 盧 蘇 偉 老 師

板橋地方法院觀護人，並任世紀領袖教育研究中心召集人。
高二一 黃書梅

盧蘇偉老師是一位特殊的名人，他用自信、樂觀去面對人生，並用關懷與了解幫助了很多父母與青少年。盧老師現在是少年法庭的觀護人，一年兩百多場演講，著作三十多本，但他卻有一段不太順利的求學過程。
盧老師有比別人差的數字與記憶力，卻有比別人好的推理與分析力，但他因為這與眾不同的學習方式，而在學習的過程中吃了不少苦。幸好他有父母「永不放棄」的支持與鼓勵，盧老師才能不斷地努力，最後考上警察大學，並在今天開創自己的一片天空。
以前盧老師曾被老師罵作「豬」，但他的父親說︰「你是最聰明的豬」。當孩子考了十分時，盧老師的父母看到的不是他失去的九十分，而是他得到的十分。不斷給孩子貼上好的標籤，並去肯定孩子努力的成果，而非責備他的失誤，這也是造成孩子有自信的重要因素。如果孩子遭到挫折，要了解挫敗常常只是暫時的，或許只是現在還沒想到辦法而已。如果父母能培養孩子思考的習慣，不要什麼都為孩子做好，多給孩子體驗、學習的機會，孩子就能培養自己解決問題的能力。「要多給予具體的鼓勵，這樣才能把油加到孩子的油箱裡」，盧老師說。現在盧老師也用這種鼓勵的方法來教導他自己的孩子，與所觀護的青少年。
在家庭中父母應該平等地對待每個孩子，而不要給予「最棒」這樣具有排他性的鼓勵。在肯定自己優勢的同時，也要能去肯定別人勝過自己的部份。雖然盧老師說要肯定、鼓勵而非懲罰，但他也說寬容並不等於縱容。教導孩子時要「寬容而嚴格，溫和但堅持」。在沒有影響別人的前提下，可以給較大的空間，但一但他踰越了那把尺，就得堅持原則，否則下次他還會以同樣的方法去達到目的。
盧老師說他最想給孩子的禮物就是「快樂與積極正向的思考」。快樂是隨時保持微笑，快樂也表現在你我的肢體語言上。「習慣」總是從不習慣開始的，如果能多去注意事情的光明面而非陰暗面，快樂也能成為你的習慣！要作好一件事，要先去喜歡它，並快樂地去做。因此如果能培養學習興趣，去激發學生高昂的情緒，便能夠提升學習效果。
很好奇當初盧老師怎麼會想成為一位觀護人。盧老師說在他成長的過程中有太多太多的師長給了他這份「愛的存款」，現在他只是把利息還給別人而已。盧老師很投入也很愛這份工作，和這些青少年相處，知道他們需要、喜歡他，也讓盧老師覺得很滿足。當他遇上難溝通的少年時，他也不認為他們是「頑劣」的，只是他還沒找到與他們溝通的橋樑而已。盧老師曾輔導一位酗酒的青少年，他在大醉中吐得盧老師一身，盧老師忍不住罵他「你怎麼每天都在喝酒！」，他回答︰「只因為你看到我的時候我都在喝酒，所以你就以為我每天喝？！」這時盧老師才了解到他需要的是了解和正面的鼓勵，而不是一昧的指責。在戒酒兩個月後又喝了酒時，盧老師並不責備他又喝了酒，而是讚美他有兩個月都沒有喝酒。
青少年是一個連自己都不太了解自己，卻渴望被別人了解的時期。青少年之所以叛逆，是因為他們不被了解，如果能真正試著去了解他們的心裡，並為他設想，他們就會樂意地接受師長的勸導。「愛」是「心」加上「受」，所以愛就是用心去感受，若不能去用心感受「愛」便成為「礙」了！要輔導這些青少年，一定要先去了解他們。在這樣的鼓勵，與真心的關懷、了解之下，盧老師幫助這些青少年，並和他們成為朋友。
很多父母都知道不應該總是責備孩子，但要真正去實行，又是另一回事。「傾聽自己的聲音」是很重要的，當你要生氣之前，要先了解自己要什麼，不要隨便就生氣。有時候親子之間的距離是很大的，當孩子犯了無心之過時，父母常認為他是故意的，其實應該先冷靜下來思考，去了解這件事真正的原因，並用心去觀察孩子的行為。如果親子之間已經形成了情緒的惡性循環的話，其中一方一定要適切地去切斷這負面的情緒，這也就是所謂的「情緒隔板」。
任何的親子教育都應該是雙軌進行的，父母與孩子必須同步地學習才能改善親子之間的關係。現代的父母以前受打罵教育，但現在卻要用「愛的教育」、「鼓勵的教育」去教導孩子。現代父母處在前一代與後一代的衝突、矛盾之中，有些不願意去改變，有些則想改變卻不知道如何去做。其實，改變都是痛苦的。「了解就是關懷，愛就是用心去感受」我們做孩子的也應該試著去了解父母的難處，並讓父母知道我們的了解，這對他們一定是最大的掌聲。愛，要說出來。當孩子或父母有一方感到 upset 時，要適時有技巧地說出你的好意，如果付出的關心遭到拒絕，千萬不要馬上放棄。當遭到父母的責備時，我們也應該試著去感受父母的焦慮。
夫妻都是結婚後才開始學習當夫妻，父母也是生了小孩後才開始學習當父母的。父母和小孩都期待被對方了解，不管是夫妻或親子關係，都是一種學習成長的過程。人都是不一樣的，不要期待對方跟我們一樣，當我們用「人皆不同」的觀念去跟別人相處，就會覺得比較 easy 了。談戀愛時，總是只看到兩人之間少數相同的特質，然後就抱著很高的期望走上紅毯，結婚後才發現兩人之間有那麼多的不同。這期待的落空往往造成婚姻的問題。其實如果能把婚姻也看做一種學習成長，每對夫妻都能很幸福。
我們都知道人類的潛能是無窮的，只是每個人發揮出來的程度不同。人不能光靠意志與毅力去完成事情，而需要去喚醒你我「心中的巨人」，把潛能發揮出來。那盧老師是如何找到自己「心中的巨人」，發掘自己推理分析的能力並去發揮呢？盧老師告訴我們他的「系統性」學習方法。
學習時要抓住知識的核心，才能增加學習的效率。如果所學的東西沒有系統，那它等於是沒有價值的，因為下次你要使用它的時候，可能怎麼找也找不到，就像把檔案存入電腦，卻忘了存在哪個檔案夾中。一旦你建立了自己學習的系統，以後每次接受新的知識，就能套入這個系統。如此一來，學習時便能以之前的知識作為基礎，一層層往上累積，而不需要每次都重頭開始。分析、重組的能力比記憶力更重要，知識的體系能使學習更輕鬆，也可以讓我們不需要一直去記憶。
「自信與樂觀是一個人能擁有的最大資產」在訪問過盧蘇偉老師後，我深深地體會到這句話的意義。在訪問的最後我們請盧老師用幾個字來形容自己，他說︰「我是個很棒的人！」對自己有信心是很重要的，自信其實是一種習慣，如果你相信自己所作的、認為自己會做得很好，那你就會做得很好！雖然盧老師在學習的過程中遭遇到比我們更多的挫折，但因為他不斷地累積「成功的存款」，所以當這存款夠了，他便能夠承受一切的打擊與挫折。
走過崎嶇不平的成長道路，盧蘇偉老師走出屬於自己的路，他一直相信聖經上的一句話︰「上帝對你關了一扇門，祂一定會為你開另一扇窗。」
 
 

   Smile, Even When the Airplane Crashes :
       An Interview with Mr. Lu Su-wei                            Kevin Duh (12)

Have you ever met anyone who explicitly told you that his IQ is 70?
Mr. Lu is an honest man. When we started the interview, the first thing out of his mouth was, “People called me a pig when I was little. So, my parents told me that I was the smartest pig ever born.”
This was an unexpected comment from a person who graduated from the Central Police Academy and has worked as a court guardian and a writer.
What is the secret of his success? After all, the various challenges of life must have been even harder for him.
“The answer is confidence,” he said confidently.
When he was having a tough time catching up in school, his parents would always support him with positive compliments. While his classmates would get spanked if they failed to score perfectly on tests, he would receive a delicious chicken leg when he scored only ten points. His parents would look at what he had gained, not at what he had missed; they would compliment his progress, not criticize his distance from perfection.
Therefore, Mr. Lu grew up to be a confident and happy person.
“You have to know how to clap for yourself,” he said.
We need to have faith in our own unique gifts and abilities. Although Mr. Lu lacked the ability to memorize information efficiently (he would probably forget what you looked like a moment after you left him), he was a genius in classifying and cataloguing. So, he developed his career in that field. Over time, his confidence turned into a habit. No wonder he seems so happy now with his life.
“My impression of myself is more important than your impression of me,” he said.
What is his impression of himself?  His answer: “It's so wonderful!”
This was not an overconfident person speaking, though, for he went on to say, “Everyone is wonderful!”The secret to success, as he told us, is “If you understand that you yourself are wonderful, you will kindle your potential.”  He called it “awakening the Sleeping Giant in you.” And the Giant, indeed, can achieve anything.
Seeing what kind of person Mr. Lu is, it is easy to imagine what his own child is like. When his child meets any difficulty, the child always says, “It's not incapable.  It's just that I掭 still waiting for the solution to come up.” As a father who is both strict and forgiving, Mr. Lu wants to leave “active positive thinking” as a legacy for his child. For it is a positive attitude that keeps a person happy even in the midst of difficulties.
Mr. Lu believes that children should never be termed “rebellious.” They just need more understanding. As a court guardian, he once took care of an alcoholic teenager. Most people would probably have disapproved of the teen, once he began to  drink. However, Mr. Lu never saw the times when the teen got drunk. Rather, he saw the times when the boy successfully abstained from drinking. Once when the teen relapsed into drinking after two months of abstinence, Mr. Lu did not get angry. Instead, he congratulated him for his progress and encouraged him to be confident in himself.  Gradually, the teenager successfully quit drinking.
Therefore, Mr. Lu believes that “seeking first to understand” is a very important “people skill.”
“What is love?” he asked. “If you break apart the word‘love* (in Chinese), you will see that it means ‘use your heart to feel another person's heart.
 Everyone is different; therefore, we need to try to understand each other, be it family, friends, or even strangers.  We should try to understand our differences just as if we are learning something wonderful.
 
Throughout the interview, Mr. Lu gave us the impression that he has a happy life.
“It's natural,” he said, “Happiness is a habit.”
We didn't understand that, so he went on to explain: “A habit is something that can be developed. Happiness is that way. If you make smiling a habit, then you'll be happy.”
Then he went on to demonstrate a big sad frown. “How can you be happy if you act like this everyday?” And we laughed.
This man is so cheerful that he smiles even in the face of death.  Once when he was on a plane, the plane experienced turbulence and suddenly lost attitude. Immediately, he ordered his son to smile. While everyone else on the plane was panicked to death, Mr. Lu and his son smiled.  Why?  He wanted to die in happiness.
Thankfully, the plane never crashed. Or else we would never have met this insightful teacher.
We took a group picture before he departed to spread his happiness to other people.  As his car drove away, he yelled at me, “Send me the pictures!  It掞l be very valuable when you become Nobel laureate!  You will become one, right?”
Immediately, Mr. Lu's earlier words ran through my mind--“I掭 so wonderful!”--and then I yelled back toward the departing car: “Of course I will!”